I love the internet.  It’s full of all kinds of helpful information and it’s where all my friends live on the other side of the screen.  Especially love it when I am having a discussion about something with Hubby.  I’m not the type to argue a point if I think I’m wrong.  I’ll look up what we are talking about and either way I give him the information that I’ve found whether I’m right or I’m wrong.  I really like it when I am right…especially when we’re discussing football. 

We were discussing Darren McFadden’s being picked as the 4th NFL draft choice.  I thought it was pretty cool that since he was the Heisman runner up two years in a row that he got picked before this years winner.  I made the comment that I was disappointed that he had decided to forego his senior year and Hubby stated that he was a second year senior.  Hmm, that wasn’t the way that I remembered it so I did what I know how to do and I Googled it…and I was right.  I can’t remember important stuff, you know like where I hid put the staple gun, but I can remember unimportant stuff like that.  It’s got to be the menopause I tell you.

I kid you not, it’s 3:47 AM and it’s 63F outside.  It’s so warm in my house and especially my bedroom that I’m thinking of turning my air conditioner on.  I’d open the windows but we only have a window in the kitchen and one in the bathroom that can be opened.  I could open the front door but I don’t like going to sleep with the front door open at night.  Mother Nature must be going through menopause just like I am and having one doozy of a hot flash.  I’m glad it’s her and not me this time.

The M & M’s Menopause Survival Kit

At the first sign of hot flashes eat the RED one.

Eat the Orange one to minimize depression.

The Green one calms your frustrations when you want to be left alone.

If you feel a headache coming on eat the Purple one.

The blue reduces bloating.

You can eat the Brown ones ANYTIME!!

If all the symptoms occur at the same time,

EAT THE WHOLE DAMN BAG!!!!

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause have arrived at my door without warning:

Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All-Dried-Up.  One by one they crept into my own private cottage in the woods and started to take over my life.  First to arrive with Itchy.  I developed this itch on my right calf that was so irritating, I wanted to scratch the skin right off of my body. 

Then Bitchy came to my door.  No longer was PMS restrained to one or two days a month–it felt like constant PMS.  Then I would swing from Bitch to Weepy for God’s sake, what was wrong with me?  Ding-dong…It’s the middle of the night and Sweaty has crawled into bed with me.  Oh, yes, Sweaty brought embarrassing hot flashes and introduced me to night sweats where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my breasts.

Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy, because I was tired all the time.  I would wake up so many times in the night and not be able to get back to sleep.

Bloated crept in slowly, my once-svelte figure got thick through the middle section, even though I was following my weight-loss program that had worked so well for so many years!

I can’t quite remember when Forgetful arrived, but one day my brain stopped working.  I considered myself a pretty focused woman until Forgetful came, and I could not keep a coherent thought in my brain.  Am I getting Alzheimer’s?  I wondered.

Last, All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my happy marriage.  This was probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family.  Sex was no longer on the top of my list—or on my list at all.  My husband would give that knowing look, and I would think, “Frankly, I’d rather have a bowl of ice cream.”

Yes, I’ve become one of the seven dwarf’s.  Can you figure out which one? I wrote here about how much Menopause sucks.  I haven’t changed my mind one bit.  Even though I’m still considered to be in Peri-Menopause it sucks just as much as full blown Menopause.  I won’t be considered to be in Menopause until I haven’t had a  . for at least 12 months.  Well, I have eight months down and four more to go.  I don’t know what is worse, having a . with mild cramps or having no . with major sever cramps at the time that my . would normally be.  It seems that the more months that I go without a . the grumpier and more irritable I become each month.  It seems like everything gets on my nerves and makes me pissed off at the drop of a hat.  I hate feeling this way because I am normally one of the most tolerant and laid back people that you will ever find.  My friends have always told me that I have the patience of a Saint.  Well, let me tell you, this Saint’s halo has not only slipped, it’s freakin’ disappeared.  To say I’ve become a shrew would be way to mild, I’ve become a real bitch at times and that’s still being kind.  The worst part of all of this is that my darling Hubby is the one that catches the brunt of all of this.  I don’t know how he can love me through all of this, hell I don’t even love me through all of this.  I know, I think I should pass him my halo, because he’s the one who’s been a Saint through all of this.  I hereby dub thee Saint Hubby. That’s it, I’m done.  Stick a fork in it.

Let’s face it.  Menopause sucks!  I’ve been going through peri-menopause for the last seven to eight years.  It’s not bad enough that my periods are irregular, there’s the hot flashes and night sweats, the interupted sleep, the decrease in my sex drive, the moodiness,  and the irritability.  If you asked me what one thing that bother’s me the most I’d have to pick the night sweats, or course Hubby would pick the decrease in my sex drive but that’s a man thing ya’ know.  The night sweats interupt my sleep and because of the whole hormonal thing, I’ve found that I need more sleep than I did 10 years ago.  I’ve tried hormone replacement and none of them seem to work.  What’s the point in paying for and popping a pill when it does you zero good?  I have a friend that keeps telling me that it will be better once I’ve officially gotten to the full blown menopausal stage.  I sure hope because there are times that even I don’t like myself.  Are you wondering yet why I chose to blog about this subject?  It’s elementary my dear Watson, I just woke up with one of the mother of all night sweats from hell.  So excuse me now while I go and get into the shower and then pull all the linen off of the bed and get it washed. 

Here I sit this morning at 5:30 a.m. just having had the second hot flash of the night. I decided that I might as well get up and play on the computer for a little while. This Menopause sh** stuff is the pits! If I ever get a hold of that inner child that keeps playing with the matches and setting me on fire I’m gonna bust her butt good. If the hot flashes aren’t enough there are the irregular periods. That in itself is a whole other trip. I might have one in two weeks, I might have one in 3 months. I didn’t have one for 3 months recently and was freaking out worried that I might be pregnant. Now what in the world would I do with a new baby at 49 years old? Hell, I’d probably set it down some where and forget where I put it. Could you see me telling my 11 year old grandson "meet your new aunt or uncle". I don’t think so. Luckily it turned out to be a false alarm. Geez, it really had me worried, I had my tubes cauterized 26 years ago after the birth of the twins and I was frantic thinking that all of a sudden it wasn’t working anymore. After I had the twins they told me that I had about an 85% chance of having another set. I thought then over my dead body. Well, I guess that is the end of my rant for now. I guess I’ll just have to think of something else for next time. So, until next time.